Beginnings are always hard. where to start, how to take that first step, or what will be the outcome, how do I know if this is the right thing to do? A million questions haunt you. This is how the mind of a person who is troubled by existence works, well at least this is how my mind works. I feel ready to go and sure of the decision I have made and before I begin I am again doubting that this is the right thing to do. I was recently told that one way to take that step is simply to take it. there is no other way, you either do or don’t but you can not spend your time just going in circles trying to figure out if today is the day.
As I prepare for the next step in my plan to be a successful freelancer I find that I have more question than answers, and the main reason for it is because I am very insecure about what decisions I make for myself. I know what I want, I know where I need to go, what I need to do. I always want to have the approval of others and always feel that if I do something wrong someone will get their feelings hurt.
Here we go take the plunge:
This blog page began a couple years ago with the intent to be of inspiration and hope for those of us that need to have that little bit of inspiration on a daily basis, something to give us a ray of light when we are so fogged out that it is too hard to notice the blue skies outside.
I am here giving it one more try, but this time I have reinforcements I am giving myself a fighting chance by getting help to be able to help. I cannot come to you to offer sunlight if I myself can’t see it. As of today I declare that I will make this a great day. You can only be as successful as you want to be; block the road, turn off the light and you can stay right where you are, it’s all you; at least that’s how I see it for me. nobody stopped me. I stopped myself.
I have real life experiences that can only be understood by me, tragedies that are only tragic to me, dark roads that I chose to travel, memories that I choose not to forget. and like me there are many people with similar emotions and reasons to be DEPRESSED; and none of it is really their fault its just that many times we just don’t know how to cope, its not knowing how to deal with it, the real reason we have emotional problems.
As time passes me by I begin to realize that there is more to life than all those demons that haunt me, but I am so out of control that I actually believe that I will not able to move unless I have those demons with me as I try to move to lighter days. It has taken a life time to come to this realization, and now I see that with the right support you can move forward and not feel guilty about it. Life is complex all on its own without families making it even more so by teaching us about guilt and sin and all those negatives that are taught to us in childhood. I hope that my children know that there is a better way to live that does not need to be so lonely and complicated. I say to you: today is a good day, and tomorrow more so, all it takes is to take the plunge and know that its ok because it is all for you. I am moving forward hope to see you again tomorrow as we walk out to see the blue skies, the singing of the birds in spring and the blooming flowers of the garden so long ago forgotten.
See you soon.